Seven years ago today, my life changed forever.
All because I met someone. Someone who would become an axis on which my entire world ached to turn.
As we stumbled our way through a shy first meeting on a bright and sunny Thursday afternoon, pieces of the rest of my life were quietly falling into place. I could immediately feel an importance about him. I was determined to keep him around to find out what it was.
We moved quickly from hello, and soon the summer became all ours. We spent weekends on the water and every other night curled into the bed of one of our trucks. There were shooting stars and bonfires, and the heated glow of a building passion between us. We shared our favorite songs, and even wrote a few of our own. We ate peanut butter s’mores and made a game of kissing the sticky marshmallow mess away. I was all in. I could not imagine letting something so good ever slip through my fingers.
When summer drew to its close, I began to sense his hesitation. Hours and miles between us, different worlds, opinions of friends…. I felt ready to tackle it head on. After all, you only get to experience this kind of love once, right? I sure as hell wouldn’t be the one to abandon it.
But fall brought a quiet that left me uneasy. The first time he came to visit, he forgot to hold my hand, and when we kissed goodbye in the parking lot, I think my body could tell it was different. My heart just refused to believe it.
The cold continued to settle and brought with it one-word texts and a panicked despair. When I finally found the courage to address it, he failed to meet me in the middle.
There was a letter. There were confessions. Solutions to worries, plans looking ahead, a death grip on the hope for right then and there.
In the end, none of it mattered. He might have adored me, maybe even loved me, but I didn’t fit into the picture he was trying to paint for himself. That girl was…well, she was plenty of things – good things – but she wasn’t me.
The end of us was the start of a spiral. it started with absinthe and tasted even worse. And hell, I’m not sure it ever quite came to an end. He was an axis, remember? I can slow the turn, maybe even reverse it, but I think there’ll always be a little bit of spin.