There are days every now and then when I just can’t seem to accept anything for what it is. What-ifs consume me and fate goes out the window. I become so wrapped up in the idea that everything has gone wrong. Today has been one of those days.
No matter how happy or sad or full or empty I may feel, there are always dark things lurking nearby… Foreground, background – it doesn’t matter, they’re there somewhere. I know this to be true. Usually, it’s nothing worth my attention. But then, just when I think I’m about to come to peace with some shadow, days like today happen. Fear and insecurities and anxiety happen.
I’m swimming in a sludge filled with everything I’ve ever second-guessed. Every outing I wish I hadn’t bailed on. Every class I shouldn’t have registered for. Every calorie I ever counted. Every photo I never got to take. Every time I used the word platonic and didn’t mean it.
Normally, I can chalk it all up to never-was-meant-to-be; I can shoulder my mistakes and accept that the universe isn’t on my side or anyone else’s. But not today.
Today, the world has done me wrong.