“Your problem is that you allowed him to become your weakness.”
No. I mean, I appreciate your input, but no. I disagree.
Wanting him the way that I did, holding on tight and praying with every breath for a shot at forever – that was not a mistake. Learning him the way that I did, curling into his rough edges with my mind, body, and soul – that was not a mistake. Loving him the way that I did, allowing him to become such an integral part of me and my life – that was not a mistake. The idea that he was my weakness is not the problem. In fact, that’s the most beautiful part of this torture.
Now I know something about myself. I saw that I’m capable of loving someone with more intensity than I’ve ever felt. Before him, I wasn’t sure that possibility even laid within me, but it does. It’s there. And though I’m still not sure if it will ever exist on this scale with anyone new, at least I know it’s somewhere inside of me.
Yes, he was my weakness. Yes, I lost him. Yes, it’s been hell since then. But tell me a better weak spot to have than a heartbeat that sounds like home?