You’re not broken, but I understand needing to heal

I never set out to try to fix you. There’s nothing to you that I find unsuitable. There’s no part of you that I can’t live with, that I don’t adore. I love you in your entirety and I love all of your pieces. Sometimes you may not believe me, but that doesn’t make it any less true. That doesn’t make it anything less than love.

The devil calls to you sometimes. I know what this feels like, and I know you won’t always be able to resist him. I won’t be able to either. That’s okay though. We’re all sinners with loads of demons, but we’re all saved. You taught me that, so I’ll be here to remind you any time you need to hear it. I pray for you whether you think you need it or not. I pray for us and ask that we can continue to grow together. I truly do not see an end in sight. We’re better off as a pair than we ever were on our own. I hope you think so, too.

Denial often crosses my mind. It seems as though it pairs well with doubt. But I’ve learned how to extinguish both. I know that I’m in this for real. I’m not just staying because I don’t want to be alone; I’m staying for you and for us.  For a while, I didn’t admit to myself that this was real because it’s always the real things that tear you shreds. But there’s no denying it now. I’m never going to come across this love again in this lifetime, so I need to drink it in. I need it to be as raw and real and honest as it can be. Love is both a feeling and a choice. Ours sets me on fire every morning, and I choose to stay and feel the burn.

Day terrors sneak up on me when you’re not around, much the same way that your nightmares wage war on you. I can be fine one moment, and absolutely lost the next. I get these images of you hurting, and they kill me. They absolutely kill me. I want to be there to comfort you, and not having that ability leaves an unbearable weight on my chest. It takes tremendous control not to call you every time it happens. I don’t because I don’t want to worry you – you’ve got more than enough to deal with right now – and I don’t want my concern to be misconstrued as crazy.

I know that you and I could survive going our separate ways, but the fact is that I don’t want to do that anymore. Now that I’ve had a taste of what life with you could be like, nothing else will satisfy me.

I know you feel broken sometimes. But I also know that you feel amazing sometimes. I know that you love harder than you’d ever admit, and I know that you need to feel needed. Well guess what, I need you. And I love you. I want you to do whatever it takes to get back to yourself. I love every angle of you that exists, but I know that life is tough from where you’re standing now. You’re not broken, but I understand needing to heal, and I’ll be standing by you through all of it. I’m not going anywhere unless you’re going there too.

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