Trusting you without knowing why. That gut feeling that something is more good than it could ever be bad. Not caring what anyone else thinks of what I’ve got going on. Sitting by myself and smiling like a lunatic at my phone. Being more excited than worried for what lies ahead. Wondering what you’re is up to when it’s 3am and I can’t sleep. Knowing that it’s a happy kind of nervous this time around.
It’s been a while since I’ve related to any of this, and frankly, I’m shocked by the potential that’s staring me in the face tonight. How long has it been since someone else’s jagged edges lined up so well with mine? How long since something has been so natural but still resonates so clearly? This feeling, this connection….it feels like something that matters. And I just don’t quite know what to do with it.
I want to enjoy what’s happening right now, be in the moment, and not try to align it with my past or future. I want it to stay easy and effortless. I want the courage to open up in ways that I didn’t think I was able to. I want to, but I am so scared.
I’m scared of the potential, of the vulnerability, of the millions of ways it could all go horribly wrong. I’m so afraid of another crash and burn. I’m afraid of getting in my own way and ruining whatever this is before it even has a chance to be something. There are so many things about this that scare me, but maybe that’s good because it means that this isn’t what flings are made of, it isn’t where one night stands come from. This is, in some way or another, important. This is exactly the kind of thing that keeps me believing in fate.
I’ve made mistakes before, some that have really cost me, but I’m working to be a better person every day. Ever since I met you, I’ve wanted to be a better person. I don’t know why it’s you. I don’t know why it’s me. And it might be really strange to say all of this, but you told me you don’t have a lot of tolerance half-truths. So here we are.
I like you a lot. Sure, there’s still a ton we have left to learn about one another, but what I’m saying is that I want to be around to learn the rest. I’m not prepared if this is something that’s just going to crumble away in the next couple weeks. Like I’ve said, the way we clicked isn’t something I take lightly. It doesn’t happen to me often. I’m not in any rush, but I am in the business of being honest. Maybe that’s gonna hurt me in the long run, but I have faith that it’s the right thing right now. I’m filled to the brim with uncertainty, and I’m just a little terrified by the sense of potential I get when I’m with you. But it’s not fair for me to make you guess what I’m thinking.
I just think this could be really good, and I hope you think so too.