I don’t know for sure if anyone heard me,
if there’s even anyone there to listen,
but I spoke my worries to the sky last night.
I told somebody that I’m scared,
that I’ve messed up,
and that I’m tired of pretending.
It’s hard to believe in a god
who doesn’t much seem to believe in us,
but I won’t say he isn’t there.
Just…that I haven’t found him.
The bible didn’t hit me harder than any other story,
and I’ve felt suffocated with hypocrisy
in each church I’ve tried.
I felt like I was broken standing next to my friends
who could all sing his praise.
I always wondered if they were sincere.
But with all my doubt, still
I caught myself looking for more than
the powers that laid before me on earth.
I sought comfort in stars and emptiness
and whatever lies beyond.
I said my thanks just in case.
My faith is a mess and my future’s unsure,
and I don’t know what to believe.
But I prayed last night,
and I wonder if that’s a clue.