Ten Reasons I Could Never Be Friends With You

  1. I’m easy to please, but hard to get to know.
  2. Tears paralyze me. If you’re upset and crying and I finally catch on, I’ll tell you I’m sorry and offer to listen. But I will most  certainly keep my distance.
  3. I don’t much believe in chasing alcohol.
  4. I will write about you. It could be lovely or terrible. It could be a character in a book or an enemy in a song. There’s no way of knowing just what I’ll say, but I will write about you.
  5. I can’t stand the tastes of coffee or tea, so I won’t be accompanying you to Starbucks. Ever.
  6. Silence doesn’t phase me. If you give me the silent treatment, I may not even notice. If you think I’m giving you the silent treatment, you’re probably mistaken. Sometimes there’s nothing to say, and that’s fine with me.
  7. I’ve already figured out who I’d die for, and I won’t say “I love you” until you’ve been itching for it for months on end. And as long as I have my mother, I’ll probably never make you my emergency contact.
  8. I loathe surprises. People never seem to believe that until they see me surprised.
  9. No one can talk me into reading or watching Harry Potter, and you won’t be the exception.
  10. Ultimately, I put myself first. It’s not a bad trait, but it can sting to a friend wanting attention.
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