Without Hesitation

Without hesitation.

That’s the scary part. I’d follow him without hesitation into any burning corner of hell that he wished. I’d be able to feel my skin melting and my bones beginning to char, but it wouldn’t make any difference. Nevermind the fact that my eyes would burn to ash, I’d still stare ahead blindly at him, doing my best to keep up.

I don’t often admit this to people. They always panic. Mention of hell is known to do that to people… Or serious mention of it is anyway. But see, I have this theory. If there is a hell, and that’s a really big if, following someone there seems reasonably more pleasant than arriving alone. So then I have to wonder. If hell is supposed to be the epitome of miserable, how is it that we never seem to go there alone?

But first, I want you all to understand that this isn’t the type of topic I’m particularly familiar with when it comes to writing. I’ve always been on a leash of sorts when it comes to anything remotely religious, I guess. It’s one thing to chase controversy, but apparently it’s something else when the controversy clings to faith. So please let me just say that I’m really not much of a believer. In anything. I’ve been on the edge a time or two, and maybe I’ll find myself there once more, but right now, I’m just not buying it. I didn’t grow up in church like a lot of my friends did, and to be honest, that’s probably one of the best things my parents did for me. This way, if I ever do find my way into a faith of some sort, I’ll know it was my choice.

So don’t get all upset because I’m really not ripping Christianity or anything else. I’m just saying what’s coming to mind. You can argue that I don’t know what I’m talking about because I haven’t read the Bible. Fine, whatever. You can laugh in my face when I tell you that the closest I get to worship is watching hours of Supernatural at a time. I don’t care. You can say that I’m biased for any number of reasons. Sure, I probably am. But that doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to spread my word the same way other people spread theirs. I’m educated and opinionated, and I’m not seeking approval. I’m simply pondering a question.

Now, back to hell.

You can follow someone there, like I was saying. And there are a lot of ways to do just that. You can yearn for them and do whatever it takes, trying to win a heart that they won’t admit to owning. You can follow in their footsteps and do terrible things set by their example. You can try to take God’s path, but he might trip you up and maybe you can’t recover. Or maybe you can sell your soul in a moment of desperation or a sweeping dose of selfishness. After all, we all have our demons. No matter who or how you follow, though, it is by choice in some way or another.

So following someone to hell is choosing hell. If you choose it, well….doesn’t that make you some kind of tortured masochist? Does that mean that you’re no longer fit for heaven, just because someone else led you the other way? Is getting so wrapped up in following your desire really enough for you to be damned to hell?

I guess what I’m getting at here is this: Can you go to hell without deserving to?

I have a feeling the jury is out on this one. It seems complicated, at least from the outside where everything is hypothetical anyway. I just can’t wrap my mind around a system that would send undeserving souls to the worst possible eternity. A good person – someone who hasn’t spent a life diving and dabbling in evils – shouldn’t face such a possibility. So what’s your argument? Let me guess, it has to do with being your own person and having a strong enough faith in God that you know not to follow anyone else? No one else is worthy? No one else matters as much? No one else loves you as much? Let God lead the way instead?

That’s where y’all lose me. If this is about being a good person and living an honest life, why worry about God now? I’m not a bad person. I haven’t done anything to deserve hell, so even if it’s all true and it does exist, why would I go there? Simply for not believing and not worshiping? I don’t think so. If your god is so great, I think he’ll understand. We can shake on it and call it healthy doubt. Doubt doesn’t make me evil, guys.

The only way I’d go to hell is by following someone there. That’s how we’d all go. Because if hell exists, I imagine they don’t really turn anyone down at the gate. And in my book, love is a lot stronger than faith, so that’s what I’m gonna hold on to. If I love him and he’s going to hell, well so am I. Without hesitation and by choice. What’s heaven without the people you love, anyway?


2 thoughts on “Without Hesitation

  1. Taylor, I love this! It’s strange because everything you said has basically ran through my mind at some point within the last week.

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