Long, Warm Summer Nights

I loved him like I loved the long, warm summer nights. With him, things were never dull, no matter how little did. My heart was never cold. My hands were rarely empty and aching. When he was here, I soaked him up; when he was gone, I sat and miserably longed for his return.

Autumn. Winter. Spring.

They pass slowly, but always surely. And as it has a way of doing, summer returned. My smiles were back, my empty heart was filled once more, and his arms were around me, just where they belong. It was three months of bliss, followed by the all-too-familiar end.

Goodbye isn’t any easier the second time around. In fact, I would argue that it is much more difficult. The second time, you know the intensity of the pain that’s coming. You can feel it all approaching, but you can’t waste the time it would take to brace yourself. That time is all too precious. Those last few moments…the kiss goodbye, the hug that tears your heart right down the middle. Those are the seconds that you hold as close as possible. Those are the seconds that you’ll cling to, even though they perhaps matter the least.

Autumn. Winter. Spring.

The first warm night in May warms your tired body, but your soul is still cold as January. Summer is back, but where is he? Gone. He’s not coming back this time. Once was luck, twice was a miracle. There is no third time.

Goodbye was final in September. Whether you knew it then or not, it’s certain now. Maybe he intended to come back, maybe he didn’t. Maybe he’s thinking of you tonight, maybe he’s not. In any case, these aren’t the summer nights you remember. In fact, it doesn’t seem much like summer at all. You wonder how you’ll make it through, but I promise you will. Long summer nights, no matter how lonely, will keep your heart thawed. The feelings of hurt will be soothed in time rather than trapped in any icy ache. You will be okay. That’s the promise of these long, warm summer nights.

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