If you’re not going to take a chance and explore our potential, then tell me why you’ve got me hanging around. How come you don’t want me, but you can’t let me go?
Why? Why can’t I be strong in myself and just get up and walk away? I know I’m strong enough, I know I should do it. But I can’t and here’s why: my aching, torn heart still beats…for you.
You’ve got me, easily. Every laugh and smile draws me closer and every harsh word hurts me more, but it’s just another scar. Another reminder that you were real. And that once…you did love me.
That is why I can’t let go. I’m not holding onto you anymore, I’m clinging to the past. I can’t focus my attention forward, so I look back. At you.
I know this is what’s happening, but I still can’t look away. I know it’s an illusion, different as night and day, but it’s my shattered dream. And I’m just a lost dreamer.
So I ask, why? Why can’t I be stronger and just stand up and face you? I know I need to, I know it’s my last option, I know I should do it. Now.
But I can’t and here’s why: my aching, torn heart still beats…for you.
I wrote this about four years ago at the age of 15, and found it today when I was clearing out files on our old desktop. I’m still a little shocked at my younger self. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.
