If this year were an album, these would be the songs

Although I don’t post them on my blog, I write a lot of lyrics. As I was finishing up my latest song, I got an idea. I thought it might be interesting to do something with titles of songs I’ve written, just to give you a very slight glimpse at what I write about most. So I’m going to choose 14 songs that I’ve written in the past year, and make you a list. It’s kind of like what would happen if I were putting out an album about my life in the last twelve months. I can try to keep it diverse, but keep in mind that some things just get written about a lot more than others. But anyway, I’ll write a little paragraph about each song to give you an idea of how it came to be.

1.  Something Amazing

This was the lyrical result of a short trip I took with some friends last summer. I think there’s just something about being with someone constantly for that long that makes you think feelings are there when they actually aren’t. But the song sort of says that without even meaning to. It doesn’t say, hey let’s fall in love and it’ll be amazing, but rather, the time I spend with you is always something amazing to remember.

2. Chasing Courage

So this was a really cliche summer crush that I developed on a guy at the ballpark in town. We were always there for the same games and he was so cute, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say hello. I was scared out of my mind even though I knew it shouldn’t matter that much since I’d be leaving for school soon anyway. And of course I wrote the song in the middle of the night, so it sort of has a theme like, “I’m awake, what about you?” which is where the “chasing courage into the dark” comes into play. I just wanted to be brave for a second, mostly to see how it feels not to wonder, what if.

3.  Imperfectly Perfect

I really love how this turned out, but the title does it zero justice. It’s basically me asking for closure from a friend of mine about a situation that should’ve been old news and out of my mind. I tell myself throughout the lyrics that it shouldn’t even bother me anymore, but it does and that must mean we’re meant to work it all out in the end. I basically told my side of an argument about why everything was so imperfectly perfect with this person. I really wanted it back that way.

4. We’re Not That Crazy

I wrote this during a massive tornado-y storm when I was at school, and it turned out to be pretty awesome. It’s about an almost-strictly platonic friendship I had with a guy from out of town. We were on the phone and flirting just for fun when I started kind of writing down what we were saying and making it rhyme. It’s that song that’s pretending it’s as easy as, “hey come over,” even though you know he can’t drop everything and drive nine hours to see you for just one night.

5.  For Zach (Sing)

I met a musician the night this song happened. He’s a local-ish singer/songwriter who also plays guitar, so I couldn’t really help falling a little bit in love from the moment we said hello. The lyrics still make me smile and take me right back to the set he played as I sat at the closest table there was to the mic. And then I’m right back to standing in front of the Union with him afterwards, just talking about Nashville and writing. He was very talented, though incredibly humble, and he was too sweet for his own good.

6.  Lonely Tears And A Broken Heart

I had a very eye-opening talk on the phone before writing this. It started with an unexpected text, but it ended with me having the most confused tears streaming down my face onto the notebook that I write in. I’d basically heard half of what I thought I always wanted to hear, but realized it wasn’t quite what I expected it to feel like. I missed him so much, it was nearly unbearable, and I think I was mostly afraid that he didn’t know how much I loved him because I’ve never felt like I’m allowed to say it out loud. Apparently, words can be too real in some situations.

7.  Shining Anymore

So technically, I co-wrote this with a buddy of mine. He threw half of the first verse at me and I just ran with it, finishing the whole song in probably an hour’s time. It’s conversational in a special way though. His piece is very “him,” and so I made the following half-verse very “me.” The same format follows throughout and it ends up revealing enough about us to show people how we’ve come to know each other so well simply by being there when we’re needed and paying close attention when we’re listening. However, it’s a pretty sad take on all of that with a dark chorus summed up by “the stars aren’t shining anymore.”

8.  Christmas With You

This is a memory song that looks back at my life a few years ago at the only Christmas I’d ever spent with anyone who even resembled a boyfriend. It’s about how, even though I hate winter and snow, he made it seem likable because he’d go out in it and goof around just to make me laugh. The chorus is happy memories like those, saying “my favorite Christmas was Christmas with you,” while the verses take on a sad nostalgia. However, it’s less about missing the boy than it is about missing how I loved the way that he helped me enjoy the holiday.

9.  Watch It Be Enough

I’d never even met this guy when I wrote this about him. It ended up being the first of many songs he’d influence, but it was basically just a desperate cry for us to meet. He really intrigued me, and I wondered what I could do or say to make him laugh or to have him wonder about me enough to keep things going. Even in the song, I acknowledged that it was a little weird, but I just had this feeling that he and I were supposed to know each other.

10. Sober Thoughts

This is the result of a few drunk dials I got one weekend, and how I was less annoyed by them than I was flattered. It’s based on that quote someone said once about drunk words being the thoughts we’re afraid to say sober. I kind of like knowing that he was thinking of me when his mind was basically stripped down to only truths. To this day, I don’t know how much of those conversations he remembers, but I’ll admit that I kinda enjoyed having them.

11.  Every Word Means The World

The chorus is by all means my favorite part of this song. It’s made up entirely of things that a certain sweet guy had said to me since we started talking. Nicknames, jokes, questions, advice…everything. I still read it all in his voice and smile at every word.

12. Better Than This

I almost want to post these lyrics because they’re kind of adorable in a really mushy, lovey way. It tells a very stripped down, basic story of a first kiss and all of the anticipation and losing sleep feelings that led up to it. And then scattered throughout the story are places where I’m just like sitting there thinking that things can’t possibly get any better than they are in that moment. It has a surreal feeling to it that almost puts you in the song.

13. We Promised, No Promises

This was post-goodbye…a goodbye that would last several months. I was sorta lost for a while because I didn’t know what to feel. Before leaving, we agreed that we wanted the same thing, but it would be best not to make any promises with so much time still to wait. I was worried, I was anxious, I was eager, and I was mostly impatient. As hard as we tried to make it easy, goodbyes just never are. But the weeks are moving along, and I have the highest hopes for our next hello.

14. My You

Now we’re back to a friend of mine. These lyrics were written to be reassuring to my friend that he wasn’t being phased out, but I think I mostly wrote them to reassure myself that I wasn’t trying to replace him. Even though a few things had changed, I wanted to make it clear that our bond was untouchable. It’s sad, but uplifting at the same time. It’s saying okay, yeah, I found someone else, but “he’ll never be my you.”

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