The Gunshot Echoes

The gunshot echoes

It never goes away, and yet it always takes me by surprise

A bullet fired to resemble a comet

Something so beautiful and awe-inspiring

When you can forget that it’s a flaming, deadened ball of dust

That bullet travels at speeds I can barely fathom

Faster than my dreams can retreat to safety

It takes the smallest sliver of time to change it all

To truly change everything

One gunshot to re-write our lives

It haunts me despite the fact that I never heard it

It’s my constant reminder that I wasn’t there, couldn’t save him

Unable to utter comforting words through my sobs

As he slipped away in my arms

I’m not allowed to drown out the gunshot either

Sometimes it’s dull and mundane, just daring me to forget

Other days it’s eardrum shattering

And I’ll look around wondering why no one else is in a panic

I’m sure they all see the terror that consumes me

I must be a masochist then, as I can’t pull myself out of the picture

Even though there are gunshots flying right through it

It wasn’t a decision I made

I was robbed, but I also feel as though I carry a debt now

Someone has to keep this from happening again

Someone brave, or rather many someones

And I want to be one of them, I ache to

But I can’t as long as I still jump at imaginary gunshots

Those who survive their bullets often feel guilt

I’m not that kind of survivor

I didn’t get shot; I’ve never been shot at

And I’m not facing the possibility every day on the front lines

I feel guilty for my selfishness in the matter

But damn it, he was mine

We had everything going right, headed in happiness to eternity

We promised nothing would get in our way

But then a bullet struck my heart when it hit his

A single gunshot took away it’s beat

He’s gone

I’m not the same, and I never will be

I’m jumpy, nervous, depressed, lonely, and so many other things

But mostly, I’m just broken

A single gunshot follows me everywhere I go

Playing like a broken record

Reminding me that certainty is ridiculous

And promises won’t always be carried out

I sit down and cry once again, but I suddenly jump and release loud sobs

The gunshot echoes


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