I can’t kiss you through the phone

I’m bad at long distance. There’s not much more to it than that.

Whether it’s friendships or relationships, I’m just not the kind of person who can really be satisfied without hugs and face-to-face laughter. Texts and even FaceTime just don’t cut it for me.  And it’s not about a lack of effort because I know that’s what some of you are thinking. It doesn’t have anything to do with how much I love someone. I can love you to the moon and back, but if you really go to the moon, I’m not going to handle that even remotely well.  It’s just my personality, I think.

I’m not clingy. I love my alone time and I don’t want to be with someone who only wants to spend time with me. We all need to spread things out and divide our time among all of our friends and ourselves.

I don’t have trust issues. I’m of the opinion that if I’m willing to enter a long-distance relationship with someone, I know him well enough to know he’ll stay loyal. *As for friendships, it’s a little different. There’s gonna be drama at some point, but remember that there’s drama everywhere. All the damn time.*

Time zones are also a problem, at least in my case. It’s hard enough working around each other’s schedules to get time to call. Realizing they’re one, two, or even three hours ahead or behind makes it even tougher.

It’s not that I’m immobile either. I’ve been driving for a few years now, and I have a car. I’m entirely capable of boarding an airplane and flying out to meet someone. But we all know that isn’t usually practical. Nothing about long distance is.

But mostly it’s my personality.

I suck at goodbyes. And I really mean that. It’s not that I just hate them, but I’m literally bad at them. I tend to change the subject and linger on memories until it’s time for whoever it is to go. Then I’ll hug him and kind of refuse to let go until he peels me off. I might say “bye” or “see you later,” but I can never bring myself to tell him how much I’ll miss him. I always end up eating my words, crying alone, and texting it all later on or calling and reminding him once he’s already gone. It’s awful.

Being apart just makes me think more about the past than the present or the future. It tends to make me feel like the best days of that particular bond are behind us. And nostalgia can never be the ruler of a truly healthy relationship between lovers or friends. Memories are wonderful, but if that’s honestly all that’s there, you’re not even going to be fooling yourselves trying to make things work.

Sometimes I just try too hard. Other times I almost disappear. See, in person, I’m really reliable and pretty easy to get ahold of. Hundreds of miles away, though, I react differently. I worry about if I’m saying too much. Then I go silent. And later I’ll be so lonely that I won’t shut up. I feel like the whole relationship is always back and forth over rocks because of that.

I don’t want to bore you with details, but I tried a long distance thing once in high school. We didn’t even make it a month that way. I dealt with long distance when my group of friends and I all went to different colleges. Some stayed pretty stable, but more than one fell apart, and none of them ended up stronger. Right now, I kind of have someone at a distance, but it all came with bad timing. You live and you learn, so we opted not to try anything until we could be together again.

So if you’re one of those people who have made long distance work, I applaud you. But, I don’t believe that it necessarily means you love any harder or deeper than people like me. We’re all good at some things and bad at others. This is something I just can’t get the swing of. It’s not in the cards for me, at least not anytime soon.


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