Stopping the clock: finding peace with time

I can sit in the middle of my bedroom floor for hours, maybe days. It doesn’t take a lot to entertain me. A box of old photographs. A notebook and a melody in my head. A computer opened up to a blank word document. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in things that I lose all sense of time and forget about the world spinning underneath me. The more I think about it, the more I like it. It’s freeing.

Yesterday I sat on the ground with two of my best friends and painted. We bought blank canvases and decided to make decorations for our dorms in the fall. We started right after lunch…it was before two o’clock, I’m sure. We painted until around five when it started to rain and we had to rush inside. Then we had dinner, and we went back to the garage to get back to work. That was from about six to nine. I spent six hours painting. Six hours. And it felt like it had been maybe an hour and a half.

If you’re curious, as I know I would be, my canvas was Duck Dynasty themed. In capital letters, I wrote Happy Happy Happy, a catchphrase of Phil’s. The letters were orange and the background was camouflage. I love it.  :D

The point is that if you can focus on something harder than you focus on that clock hitting three or five or whatever time, you’ll be a lot better off. For me, time is becoming irrelevant again as we fall deeper and deeper into summertime. It’s kind of fantastic. I’m going to get used to living on my own schedule just in time to fall victim to someone else’s, I’m afraid, but I intend to enjoy it now while I can. That’s how I want my whole life to be. I don’t want time to be a thing. It’s just a concept anyway.

I’m nineteen years old. I almost hate to say it, but I imagine I’ll have quite a bit of time left. I know anything can happen, and I’m fine with that…but that’s another post altogether. This is the age where I get to live moment to moment and memory to memory instead of hour to hour and minute to minute. Once I graduate, it’s all going to change. I’ll be back to a schedule, just like I was for my first eighteen years. I dread that part of growing any older.

So I guess what I’m saying is that if it’s at all possible, try to take a day where you just do stuff you enjoy and pay absolutely no mind to the clock. I think that you may find yourself immersed in something and look up to see the sky turned dark. Or perhaps you’ll have a chance to just watch clouds roll by and you’ll realize a day is longer than it seems.

I’ve wished away a lot of time in my life. I wanted to be older. I hit seventeen and found myself fairly content. I’m still happy two years later. Hopefully that sticks around. I think I’ve found a way to be happier with the time I have right in front of me, and that is to ignore time. Live for the moments, not the minutes.

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