When he was “him”

I’m still in love with him.

I thought maybe I was finally getting over things, but I feel like I’m slipping again.

That tends to happen when I see him.

When he hugs me.

When our eyes meet and the room catches fire.

I knew I would always love him because you can’t just unlove someone, but I honestly didn’t think I’d still be in love with him.

That’s just ridiculous.

It’s been forever since he broke me.

Now it’s beenĀ forever without seeing each other.

Months without calls.

We got by with just a few texts once in a while.

I was okay.

I missed him, but I was okay.

And then there he was in front of me and suddenly I couldn’t breathe.

I panicked.

Why were there still butterflies with him when I was head over heels for someone else?

He knows everything.

He knows about him and how happy he makes me.

He just doesn’t realize I felt the exact same way all those years ago.

He used to be “him.”

He’s not anymore, or so I thought.

I don’t know.

Maybe he is.

But I can only have one “him,” and that spot’s happily occupied right now.

I know I can never unlove him.

I can’t even bring myself to try, honestly.

But this isn’t okay.

When he was “him,” I got hurt.

Really hurt.

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