Letter to an ex-boyfriend

Oh dear. I feel as though this could get out of hand if I’m not careful. If my ex does ever happen to read this…well, here’s what I always wanted to say but didn’t.

Dear ex,

I miss you. Not how you expected this to start, huh? But it’s true. I miss having you around all the time because you really brought out some of my best qualities. You always had me laughing. Seeing you was a part of the day or the week that I always looked forward to, no matter how crappy the rest of it might’ve been. You got me through a lot.  It’s sometimes really hard to come up with negative things to say when I think of you.

But it’s not impossible. You pulled a couple of bad moves back in the day. I’ve long since forgiven you, but I truly hope you’ve grown out of doing things like that. If someone gives you their heart, you have to be more careful. Even if you place it safely in your pocket, you have to remember not to ram into any walls while it’s in there. It will still get broken.

That’s the only way I know to describe what happened. I can’t exactly say it was your fault because I think I believe in fate, and that means everything happens for a reason. If we were meant to work out, we would have. But instead, you were meant to leave. I was meant to be left behind and to learn from the emptiness that I felt after we said goodbye. So how is that your fault? It’s not.

But you didn’t make anything easier. You called to tell me you missed me. And even though I missed you too and I loved to hear your voice, I didn’t need that. And you knew that all along, but you kept calling. That was, until you stopped all at once without leaving me any clue as to why. One week we were talking every couple of nights and the next, I was sitting in bed staring at my phone, just willing it to ring.

It took me a while, but I got over that. I was doing okay with things. Then you started calling again. I found out the brief vacancy had to do with a girl you met in your new town. The calls to me returned when you lost interest in her. Imagine what that did to me.

A while after all of this, I became friends with your brother for a while. I still talk to him sometimes. I’m sure he’s told you, but I do ask about you. It’s good to know you’re doing well. I’m glad you made it to the east coast for school; I know that’s what you were always after.

Even that’s been a couple of years ago now. It’s kind of hard to believe, actually, how fast time has gone since then. We haven’t talked regularly since that first stretch of phone calls, but I appreciate that you keep me in your thoughts enough to text me on my birthday and on the anniversary of the first time we met. You really are a sweet guy. You’re going to make another girl so happy. You have no idea.

So I think that’s about it. As painful as it was to be left behind by you, I have a feeling it would be harder to be the one who had to leave. And I didn’t have to go through that, but you did. Thank you, dear, for the memories. I wish you all the best for the future.




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